In Loving Memory
by Kitty-on-CRACK
Summary: I've been angsty lately and love Chester Lockhart and the fist time I heard this song was after re-watching my ship fall apart and this kinda popped into my head but was written today! In one quick 30 min go so there's probably atrocious grammar and spelling. Not my best work but could be way worse. This is 100% like inner 13 year old gremlin me being angsty af. 80% song.


In Loving Memory

A/N: I've been angsty lately and love Chester Lockheart and the fist time I heard this song was after re-watching my ship fall apart and this kinda popped into my head but was written today! In one go! In like an hour so yeah, not my best work but could be way worse (also Tony still had the reactor)

Here lies a boy, dearly departed  
Killed for no reason at all

Tony Stark died in Siberia, the arc reactor shattered in his chest and armor ripping into his flesh. Blood red was said to be crimson but it stood out in contrast to the crimson of the armor. It was in even more contrast with the blue and white center of the shield on the ground next to him, mocking the man even in his death. Lifeless eyes stuck on the object that had once meant hope, frozen tears on his lashes and checks reflected the blue and red beautifully.

Trusted in you, left brokenhearted  
Thought you'd be there to catch my fall

Tony thought when Steve had said forever less than a week ago, he meant it. He thought the gold ring the blushing captain had presented to him had been proof that they loved and trusted each other. That Steve had truly forgiven him for Ultron. That there were no secrets… that Tony could trust him without question. Tony trusted Steve when he took the ring from his hands and it had killed him.

I've been paying for your sins

Tony always had, hadn't he? He took care of the press conferences and the events that wore out the Avengers. Natasha occasionally joined to glean information where she could but other than that most avoided any event they found disagreeable, no matter how many hands needed to be shook. After Shield's fall, he frantically worked to save as many agents as possible, getting every single SI worker competent enough to help pull out and cover agents faces and current missions. So many died and Tony had wondered if Steve had lost sleep over it before shaking himself out of that negative thought. Steve was Captain America, of course he mourned them. After each battle became worse and worse for damage the Avengers caused, Tony payed what he could, directing Pepper to make sure each country would be able to rebuild with ease before finding out about the Raft. Discovering Steve was going to his death in Siberia, how would he face all the winter soldiers even with Barnes at his side? So Tony followed with every intent to help, and he paid with his life.

You stole, you lied  
You buried the best parts of me  
My heart has died  
It rests in loving memory

When Tony was pulled back to his body, it felt as though he had gone from heaven to hell. Absolute welcoming peace to an unrelenting fire coursing through his veins, forcing screams out of his bloodied mouth. When Vision had used Extremis as a prayer for Tony to live he cheated death and Tony knew all about cheating death. He was all too familiar with death from when he was six and Howard threw him into the pool telling him to quit being a baby and swim though several kidnappings, overdosing from Sunset and Stone coaxing him to do just one more line, torture sessions, Obie, space, Killian... though after it all Tony never thought someone who claimed to love him without question would be his death... or had Steve just been using Tony even then?

Beautiful boy, bathed in disaster  
Ruining lives just for fun

Steve had used him. Used him for his money, for his resources, for his inventions. If he had just told Tony what had really happened December 16th, 1991. Yes, Tony would have screamed and cried, lashing out angrily... but he could have processed. He could have processed before meeting him that it wasn't Barnes. Physically it was, but it was Hydra's command of a puppet that had ended his mother's life. He had been Barnes though when he tried to pry the arc reactor out of Tony's chest. It had been Steve who smashed the shield, his father's shield, down on him relentlessly.

Trial by fire, guilty of murder  
Baby there's no where left to run

Now you're paying for your sins

Tony received a letter with a joke of an apology as well as an insult to technology dinosaur burner phone from Rogers. There was no love in it. There was an "I'm sorry you don't understand call me" and that was it. He was originally going to let his knowledge of the Rogues in Wakanda go ignored but the need to retaliate was too strong; he needed to let them know they could fend for themselves, he wouldn't step in to save them again. He sent T'Challa a package, which held a box addressed to Steven Grant Rogers. Inside of that box sat four items. The phone, the ring that had once been Tony's, and the outer components of the arc reactor that Barnes' arm and the shield had destroyed beyond repair, stripped down to an empty shell and a slip of paper that read:

You stole, you lied  
You buried the best parts of me  
My heart has died  
It rests in loving memory


End file.
